Read time: 2.15 mins
How To Have Difficult Conversations at Work
Giving colleagues, clients, or employees difficult feedback requires strength and tenacity. Sue Dopson, Programme Director of the Oxford Women’s Leadership Development Programme, refers to these discussions as ”courageous conversations”. Leading tough conversations is an unavoidable part of your role as a leader, but there are ways to prepare and stay focused.
Watch Sue Dopson, Programme Director on the Oxford Women’s Leadership Development Programme, share her insight on managing difficult conversations at work.
Transcript
Leadership is very much a conversational practice, and very often in that work, you have to have courageous conversations, which often involves giving quite difficult feedback to people. So, how do we prepare for difficult conversations?
Preparing for difficult conversations
I think there are a number of principles to think about. The first one is taking time to reflect on the other person’s context: What might be incentivising them to behave in the way that they’re behaving? What might be stopping them in their actions? So, inquiring into the constraints and demands of their context is important, so that you can target the feedback appropriately.
A second important point of preparation is with oneself: Recognise your own moods, emotions, how you’re feeling in the moment, as well as your values and goals. Sometimes, it’s important to choose the moment when you have that conversation.
And of course, we’ve talked a lot about empathy – the importance of understanding the emotional makeup of the other person. So, naturally, social skills, trying to find a common ground between you both, and building support and managing a rapport is important.
The elements of good feedback
Having courageous conversations often involves giving feedback. What is good feedback? It’s specific, it’s timely, the person feels safe when you’re giving it, and the giver of the feedback is an equal in the conversation. In my own career, I found it extremely difficult to give feedback, particularly upwards. But actually, what I’ve learnt is that leadership is quite a lonely place, and that the more senior you get, the less you know what really goes on. So, actually having feedback, and encouraging courageous conversations of that nature, is a really important part of leadership work.